And another joke...

[Rich]

Government warning said that anyone traveling in icy conditions should take a shovel, blankets, sleeping bag, scarf, hat, 24 hours supply of food and drink, de-icer, rock salt, torch, tow rope, 5 gallon of fuel, jump leads and a first aid kit...


... I looked like such a (*****) no swearing , on the bus this morning :smilewinkgrin:

 

[josh1988]

very funny mate, i think its pretty stupid taking that much stuff anyway even in a car, what are we planning to do go camping for the week?

 

[Rich]

Sorry mods, I have a trademens view on what is and isnt swearing.

 

[tommyzooom]

:lol:
My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."
Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."

 

[Rich]

:lol: I like that ^

 

[Fliselege]

British Humour is Different...

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: ​

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bugger.
Bites!​

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.​

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.


COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.


JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.


WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.​

Statement of the Century​

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.​

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, ​

How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"​

 

[Rich]

Those ads are brilliant!