W
wivers
You know your getting older when you keep talking about how things have changed.
I find myself doing this quite a lot as I slide towards my mid thirties……….Who laughed???!!!
I notice things like how expensive fuel prices are, how crap fashion has become, how much crap is on TV……..and how many women seem to Fart now!!!
My mum never did it and my nan definatly didn’t do it …it was always the cat!
You’d hear a small squeal like a screamer going off in the distance, and the cat would get a kick. “Bloody stinky cat, I told you we should get rid of it Eric, its too flipping old, farting all over the place” “phffffffffarrrrrrp” “ dirty flipping cat, go on get out, shoo shoo” phffffarrrp “ The cats outside dear”………….. “ I wish you’d oil these bloody doors Eric!!!”
My mum would hold a fart in for days rather than risk letting it loose in front of someone.
At Christmas dinner we’d have people round , the fizzy wine would be flowing (Asti Spumanti ) nothing but quality in our household, the Brussels and the boiled cabbage would all be eaten in a vain attempt to convince the kids that they’re really not giants bogies.
Then you’d see her throughout the evening slowly inflating like a balloon. She’d get bigger and bigger every minute, it was like watching the Kirstie Alley life story in 2 hours!
My dad, uncle and grandad would all be snoring and happily filling the room with enough methane to kill a small country, and there was me mum waddling around the kitchen squeezing her arse cheeks together as tightly as she could like an anal Thames barrier.
Then when the collection had become too painful to hold back, she’d sneak off to the toilet under the stairs in an attempt to soundlessly expel the build up.
Ridiculous really coz we could always clearly hear what was going on, even over the 7 toilet flushes, coughing, singing and flapping of the toilet roll holder!!
Now though women just don’t seem to care, there’s no covering it up anymore. Gone are the days of blaming one of the men. Now they will quite happily take ownership of an eggy love puff in a full room.
Little did those women’s lib demonstrators realise when they all set fire to their bra’s, that in years to come they would have caused a gender war of wind.
Couples are staying in to have farting competitions. They high five if they manage to reach 10 decibels without pooing themselves!
Men now feel belittled by the earth trembling butt bombs that women are squeezing out! It’s not right to have the bed covers wafted over your head by your wife!! How’s a man meant to feel a man in front of his pals when his wife hits a clear 8 on the rectum Richter scale to his 6!!
Eastenders is interrupted constantly by gagging one of yours wife’s home brews!!!
We’re being laughed at by our kids!! “Mummy, mummy do the pull my finger trick!!!!”……That’s my gag!!!!! It’s our right as a men. What will we do as grandparents now???
I tell ya if my mum starts letting them go in-between the queens speech and only fools and horses this Christmas Its all over!!
I find myself doing this quite a lot as I slide towards my mid thirties……….Who laughed???!!!
I notice things like how expensive fuel prices are, how crap fashion has become, how much crap is on TV……..and how many women seem to Fart now!!!
My mum never did it and my nan definatly didn’t do it …it was always the cat!
You’d hear a small squeal like a screamer going off in the distance, and the cat would get a kick. “Bloody stinky cat, I told you we should get rid of it Eric, its too flipping old, farting all over the place” “phffffffffarrrrrrp” “ dirty flipping cat, go on get out, shoo shoo” phffffarrrp “ The cats outside dear”………….. “ I wish you’d oil these bloody doors Eric!!!”
My mum would hold a fart in for days rather than risk letting it loose in front of someone.
At Christmas dinner we’d have people round , the fizzy wine would be flowing (Asti Spumanti ) nothing but quality in our household, the Brussels and the boiled cabbage would all be eaten in a vain attempt to convince the kids that they’re really not giants bogies.
Then you’d see her throughout the evening slowly inflating like a balloon. She’d get bigger and bigger every minute, it was like watching the Kirstie Alley life story in 2 hours!
My dad, uncle and grandad would all be snoring and happily filling the room with enough methane to kill a small country, and there was me mum waddling around the kitchen squeezing her arse cheeks together as tightly as she could like an anal Thames barrier.
Then when the collection had become too painful to hold back, she’d sneak off to the toilet under the stairs in an attempt to soundlessly expel the build up.
Ridiculous really coz we could always clearly hear what was going on, even over the 7 toilet flushes, coughing, singing and flapping of the toilet roll holder!!
Now though women just don’t seem to care, there’s no covering it up anymore. Gone are the days of blaming one of the men. Now they will quite happily take ownership of an eggy love puff in a full room.
Little did those women’s lib demonstrators realise when they all set fire to their bra’s, that in years to come they would have caused a gender war of wind.
Couples are staying in to have farting competitions. They high five if they manage to reach 10 decibels without pooing themselves!
Men now feel belittled by the earth trembling butt bombs that women are squeezing out! It’s not right to have the bed covers wafted over your head by your wife!! How’s a man meant to feel a man in front of his pals when his wife hits a clear 8 on the rectum Richter scale to his 6!!
Eastenders is interrupted constantly by gagging one of yours wife’s home brews!!!
We’re being laughed at by our kids!! “Mummy, mummy do the pull my finger trick!!!!”……That’s my gag!!!!! It’s our right as a men. What will we do as grandparents now???
I tell ya if my mum starts letting them go in-between the queens speech and only fools and horses this Christmas Its all over!!
