funny put downs

[Spud]

one of the tilers who works for me always says when finishing a piece of work "Stevie Wonder would be happy to see it" i was on site the other day and he was just finishing up at the end of the day when sure enough he say "stevie wonder would be happy to see it" when my apprentice says back " yeah ,but he wouldnt want to feel the lips on it !" every one just fell about laughing ,top put down from the cheeky lad !

 

[DHTiling]

I remember quite a few yrs back.. We were out on the beer in Darlo..and we were going from one pub to the next.. as we walked we passed a lass spewing in a door way.. one of our group went over and said are you alright pet.. she said i was till i seen you and continued to spew..:lol: so so funny.

 

[doug boardley]

was working with my brother one day (he was in a bad mood that day) one of the plasterers asked "who rattled your cage today?", my brother replied "same person that's gonna rattle your teeth in a minute sonny boy":lol::lol:

 

[Mike]

best one i heard was when a guy in our local ex-servicemans club stood up and announced 'apart from my mam and my sister, i've slept with every woman in this town' instantly another guy stood up and said 'well between you and me we've had them all ' :lol:

 

[SandyFloor]

There was a famous one from a couple of years ago when U2 were playing Glasgow and Bono stood on the stage clapping his hands every few seconds. He exclaimed "every time I clap my hands a child in Africa dies."

A voice from the crowd shouted "well stop bloody doing it then."

 

[The D]

my favourite saying on site is plasterers or plumbers or spark's or chippy's or painters or indeed any other trade "I've sh.. em"
i said it to the painter on one job and he replied if your arse is as big as your mouth i believe you.:lol: i was still laughing at diner time :lol:

 

[doug boardley]

my favourite saying on site is plasterers or plumbers or spark's or chippy's or painters or indeed any other trade "I've sh.. em"
i said it to the painter on one job and he replied if your arse is as big as your mouth i believe you.:lol: i was still laughing at diner time :lol:

nice one:lol::lol::lol:

 

[Aston]

my grandad was in tescos a few years back and he was a bit of a ladies man, he looked like roger moore. (or he thought he did ;0) )
He was unloading his groceries on the conveyor belt and the check out girl said, 'You can tell your single, my grandad said, 'why' because of all the microwave dinners ive bought, she said no, because your're an ugly baaarstard...

 

[Spud]

good one i heard today ,load of lads crashed out at at a house party when the girl who was hosting the party walks in and says ",that was some party last night ,my mouth feels like the the bottom of a bird cage" when one of the lads says" well,its had a ****-a-too in there!"

 

[SandyFloor]

I upset my sister-in-law a few years ago. I told her it was disgusting when she was letting her dog lick her face all over ( it can't be healthy). Five minutes later the dog was in the garden eating it's own crap and I said to her " Look, it's trying to get the taste out it's mouth now."

 

[Spud]

I upset my sister-in-law a few years ago. I told her it was disgusting when she was letting her dog lick her face all over ( it can't be healthy). Five minutes later the dog was in the garden eating it's own crap and I said to her " Look, it's trying to get the taste out it's mouth now."

pmsl very funny !

 

[doug boardley]

went to see Bernard Manning, my ex boss was there and got up to go for a pee, Bernard gave him some stick and asked him where the heeck he was going (sort of!) My ex boss replied "I'm off for a pee before the comedian comes on!"

 

[chrisroe]

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill


still the best

 

[doug boardley]

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill


still the best

Lady Aster tried telling WC that if he were her husband, she'd poison him, to which WC replied along the lines of "if I was your husband, I'd quite gladly drink it!"

 

[david campbell]

for funny put downs,you's guys should have been a fly on the wall on the job i finished tonight i was doing the bathroom and my best mate from school and golf buddy(joiner)was doing the kitchen,if you heard the comments about each others work we would never get employed again by anyone he admitted i'm never allowed to use his upstairs bathroom(tiled himself) and the flat looked directly onto a hairdressers,with every comment about the employees usually resulted in an answer along the lines of "she cant be that desperate"-well not nearly as polite as that.....:smilewinkgrin:

ps-he's the roughest guy i know and i still recommend him...................:lol::lol::lol: