W
wivers
Yes lads i managed to find a caravan on a Haven site for a couple of nights, and spent the last night in a premier inn. So heres my holiday diary.
On Wednesday night i picked my 2 children that i have with from a previous relationship with a toothless, bearded, huntchbacked, dragon from hell.....na thats a bit harsh ....she aint got a beard.
The plan was to come back to mine and leave at about 7 am the next morning, but my little 6 week old had other ideas and woke us all up at 4 am for a feed so we left early as we couldn't get back to sleep.
We set off on our 2 and a half hour drive and got 5 minutes down the road when i realised i hadn't got any sweets or mags to shut the kids up on the way, so i nipped into the services at south mimms.
Now i didn't realise that service stations are the only bloody places with the right to charge what ever they want for their goods. 4 bottles of Oasis drink 5 quid!!!!!! A newspaper and 2 mags 7 quid!!!!! some chocky bars and some travel sickness pills for the wife 6 quid. I felt like i'd been bent over and spanked!!
Got back in the car and gave the mags to the kids ....or what i thought to be kids mags.
See i didn't realise that Zoo is not a young boys magazine. Yea i knew that there was some nice looking women on the front, but thats wot a 9 year old boy would like, that and a few pics of fast cars and some footy stuff, but ohhhhh no after taking the mag back off of him coz he was giggling and laughing out load i found thats it nothing but a b rate pornographic mag, with pictures of naked women, fighting, mutelated limbs and more naked women!!!
Needless to say i took the fowl, disgusting, filthy mag off of him and put it some where safe.... for me to read later that day.
We managed to get to weymouth in good time and booked in where i got hit with a 50 quid bill ontop of the bill for the caravan for use of the site facilities.......facilities! they meant i could use their glorified sink they had the cheek to call a swimming pool, the indoor pound a'go ammusent arcade that stunk of nappies and old peoples pants and the 'crazy golf' that was about as crazy as Mr Sane, from sane avenue, sanesville.
Luckily when we got in our caravan it made up for it as it was quality. Spacious with a TV Kitchen and 3 bedrooms, 2 of which were the other end of the caravn to the other so we could be as far away from the kids as poss!!
Later we went down to weymouth seafront which was brilliant and the sun was bloody hot so we got on the beach. I even went swimming in the sea.
Until i almost swallowed a floating crisp packet that looked like it had been used as a makshift poopscoop!!!
At luch i fancied some fish and chips so i went across the road to the chip shop with the smallest cue.
This cue was only 4 people long but about 7 people wide!! You see i din't realise that Weymouth is the Blubber munchers capital of England, and in front of me i had 4 of possibly the largest, greasy, bingo winged, Bella Emberg look alikes and boy were they hungry.
After they had all ordered their 4 cod and chips, 2 sausages in batter and 2 gallons of coke...each, i managed to place my order.
I began to walk back to the family when i was stopped by another of weymouths finest...the mental old bloke in a wheel chair.
Now he had a slight problem with litter and wanted to clear all the litter in weymouth up in one day.
Ths obviously is a good thing, but its also a little hard when yer 95, have fingers like nic naks, and in a wheel chair...oh yea and mad!
So Mr M Adman was asking random people in the street to pick up random litter a put it in the bin, one of these random people just happend to be me.
Now being Mad i suppose he didn't take into consideration the fact that i was carrying a familys worth of fish and chips and so when i appologised for not being able to help i watched Mr M Adman turn from meak mild and mad into, the incredible mad hulk...with wrinkles.
Yes i was called all the names under the sun, some of which I hadn't even hared of and i was assalted with a wheel chair.
After calming the mental old fool down ..... by pushing his wheel chair towards the pier edge, i made it back to eat me lunch, and began to think that if this was only halfway into day 1 of the hols...what else was to come......
TBC.....
On Wednesday night i picked my 2 children that i have with from a previous relationship with a toothless, bearded, huntchbacked, dragon from hell.....na thats a bit harsh ....she aint got a beard.
The plan was to come back to mine and leave at about 7 am the next morning, but my little 6 week old had other ideas and woke us all up at 4 am for a feed so we left early as we couldn't get back to sleep.
We set off on our 2 and a half hour drive and got 5 minutes down the road when i realised i hadn't got any sweets or mags to shut the kids up on the way, so i nipped into the services at south mimms.
Now i didn't realise that service stations are the only bloody places with the right to charge what ever they want for their goods. 4 bottles of Oasis drink 5 quid!!!!!! A newspaper and 2 mags 7 quid!!!!! some chocky bars and some travel sickness pills for the wife 6 quid. I felt like i'd been bent over and spanked!!
Got back in the car and gave the mags to the kids ....or what i thought to be kids mags.
See i didn't realise that Zoo is not a young boys magazine. Yea i knew that there was some nice looking women on the front, but thats wot a 9 year old boy would like, that and a few pics of fast cars and some footy stuff, but ohhhhh no after taking the mag back off of him coz he was giggling and laughing out load i found thats it nothing but a b rate pornographic mag, with pictures of naked women, fighting, mutelated limbs and more naked women!!!
Needless to say i took the fowl, disgusting, filthy mag off of him and put it some where safe.... for me to read later that day.
We managed to get to weymouth in good time and booked in where i got hit with a 50 quid bill ontop of the bill for the caravan for use of the site facilities.......facilities! they meant i could use their glorified sink they had the cheek to call a swimming pool, the indoor pound a'go ammusent arcade that stunk of nappies and old peoples pants and the 'crazy golf' that was about as crazy as Mr Sane, from sane avenue, sanesville.
Luckily when we got in our caravan it made up for it as it was quality. Spacious with a TV Kitchen and 3 bedrooms, 2 of which were the other end of the caravn to the other so we could be as far away from the kids as poss!!
Later we went down to weymouth seafront which was brilliant and the sun was bloody hot so we got on the beach. I even went swimming in the sea.
Until i almost swallowed a floating crisp packet that looked like it had been used as a makshift poopscoop!!!
At luch i fancied some fish and chips so i went across the road to the chip shop with the smallest cue.
This cue was only 4 people long but about 7 people wide!! You see i din't realise that Weymouth is the Blubber munchers capital of England, and in front of me i had 4 of possibly the largest, greasy, bingo winged, Bella Emberg look alikes and boy were they hungry.
After they had all ordered their 4 cod and chips, 2 sausages in batter and 2 gallons of coke...each, i managed to place my order.
I began to walk back to the family when i was stopped by another of weymouths finest...the mental old bloke in a wheel chair.
Now he had a slight problem with litter and wanted to clear all the litter in weymouth up in one day.
Ths obviously is a good thing, but its also a little hard when yer 95, have fingers like nic naks, and in a wheel chair...oh yea and mad!
So Mr M Adman was asking random people in the street to pick up random litter a put it in the bin, one of these random people just happend to be me.
Now being Mad i suppose he didn't take into consideration the fact that i was carrying a familys worth of fish and chips and so when i appologised for not being able to help i watched Mr M Adman turn from meak mild and mad into, the incredible mad hulk...with wrinkles.
Yes i was called all the names under the sun, some of which I hadn't even hared of and i was assalted with a wheel chair.
After calming the mental old fool down ..... by pushing his wheel chair towards the pier edge, i made it back to eat me lunch, and began to think that if this was only halfway into day 1 of the hols...what else was to come......
TBC.....
