joke of the Day

[Spud]

my apprentice is the least talkative kid i have ever trained , you cant get 2 words out of him unless he is talking about his favourite sport
I decided that part of his duties will be to tell me a joke of the day they have started very poorly .
Day 1. why has a milking stool only got 3 legs .....................because the cow has the udder
Day 2 what does a blond do when her computer screen freezes.................. she puts it in the micro wave
Day3. dog walks into a bar jumps up on to the stool and says to the bar tender , hello mate I am a talking dog, the bar tender raises his eyebrow and continues what he is doing " dont you think i should have a drink you dont get talking dogs in here everyday do you " continued the dog .......... Bartender " um okay then help your self the toilet is down there on the left"
Day 4. Man walks into a bar and looks up at the food menu ......cheese sandwich £1.50 ........ chicken sandwich £2......... hand jobs £10 , he looks over to the sexy barmaid and says " Are you the on who gives out hand jobs for a £10 " ..." yes" the sexy barmaid purrs ......"well go and wash your hands I want a cheese sandwich"

 

[Stef]

He doesn't get out much then Gary!!

 

[Ian]

I'm using them tomorrow :lol:

 

[White Room]

Number 2 made me smile:smilewinkgrin:

 

[TJ Smiler]

Day 4 made me chuckle............ Maybe you need to pay him more and he'll put more effort in :sofahide:

 

[peteablard]

Day 4 made me chuckle. Heard it years ago but I'm rubbish with jokes and usually forget them by the end of the day

 

[Mr Tiler]

yep day 4 hes getting better lol... number ones not too bad either lol

 

[Dougs Third Go]

Day 3 was best one for me

 

[Spud]

Day 5. Man walks into Boots and asks the pharmacist for some Viagra...." Do you have a prescription please?" Asks the pharmacist "No ....but I have a picture of my wife "

 

[White Room]

The best so far:lol:

 

[The Legend; Phil Hobson RIP]

Man tells his Friend I have a 40 stone gorilla living in my house, Friend askes where does it sleep? man replies "anywhere it bloody likes":sofahide:

 

[Dougs Third Go]

Man tells his Friend I have a 40 stone gorilla living in my house, Friend askes where does it sleep? man replies "anywhere it bloody likes":sofahide:

I'd heard a more ahem "adult" version of that Phil, not suitable for general chat though ha ha!

 

[The Legend; Phil Hobson RIP]

I have told this before it is not a joke but I thought it was funny, true story, my mate was pricing some high end work for a very wealthy Asian doctor.
He gave the price, the doctor asked " is that a good price?" my mate replied "well I like it"

 

[High Peak Tiling]

ha ha very good Phil.

Has the Trainee ran out of jokes~?