joke time

[nybor62]

Twenty three people have been found glued to the ceiling and walls of a train station in Dublin.

Police believe an irish republican dissident group had set off the worlds first NO MORE NAILS bomb.

 

[DHTiling]

A Big hole has appeared on the M1 southbound..





























The police are looking into it :lol:

 

[nybor62]

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.

"Come on, what day was I born"?

I said,"Yesterday."

 

[nybor62]

An elderly man is lying half coherent in a hospital room with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?

 

[John Benton]

Wind turbines.

I'm a big fan.

 

[John Benton]

I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.

 

[tommyzooom]

The wife has announced she's leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees.
I thought she was joking...
But then I saw her face..

 

[DHTiling]

Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.

Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."

George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."

Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark . . . "

 

[DHTiling]

Standing beside a valiant stallion, a Mod called bri decides he must ride this animal despite having no previous riding experience. Soon, he finds himself a top the horse's back, galloping through a lush green meadow.
Unsuspecting, the horse suddenly picks up speed and he finds himself euphoric over the freedom he is experiencing.
Once again, the magnificent animal picks up speed except this time his inexperience gets the better of him. He finds himself barely able to hang on.
The startled horse is now in a dead run and the moderator finds himself hanging off to one side of the horse, his head just inches from the ground... catastrophe seconds away.
Bri begins to frantically scream for help when all of a sudden.........
Frank, the Asda Security guard, calmly walks up and unplugs the ride.

 

[John Benton]

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.