Joke...

[user123]

Ohh, the evil jokes, ... couldn't resist this one, Rob... :lol:

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.​

 

[SandyFloor]

I like it :lol:

 

[ScottG13]

A man gets pulled over for driving erratically.

Officer: have you been drinking sir?

Driver: yeah, I've had 6 stellas and half a bottle of whisky

Officer: could you step out of the car to do a breathalylzer test

Driver: Why, don't you believe me?

 

[user123]

Bet that's really happened... :lol:

 

[SandyFloor]

A man was pursued and pulled over by the police.

Police: Sir, are you aware your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?

Man: Thank God for that, I thought I'd gone deaf.

 

[user123]

Ouch... :lol:

 

[DHTiling]

Tampax are taking the string of their tampons

and replacing it with tinsel,

for the xmas period only!

 

[DHTiling]

Newcastle Taxi Fare

One rainynight in the Toon, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.

Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

"Where to?" he stammered.

"Walker Road "answered the woman."

"OK,"he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at?"

"Well Pet, replied the driver, I canna help noticing that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does THIS answer your question?"

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Have yer not got owt smaller?"

 

[user123]

:yikes:Oh, my god, Dave, is that last joke in the right place of the forum? Just wondering...

 

[DHTiling]

all in the mind G.. she had a 20 note in her hand,,:lol:

 

[user123]

ahem... thanks for clarifying... you're a bad cat....

...couldn't find a severe looking matron smiley... :lol:

 

[Stewart]

Since it started snowing, all my wife has done, is stare through the window.......


If it gets any worse, I'll have to go and let her in!!

 

[user123]

It's a forum of bad cats.... :lol:

 

[ScottG13]

A drunk man walks into a bar and says 'happy new year everybody'. The bar man says 'we are in june you drunk man' to which he replies 'Oh my god my wife is going to kill me, I have never been so late in my life!'

 

[ScottG13]

A guy was at the bar just looking at his drink for about half an hour when a big trouble making truck driver walked up to him took his drink and downed the lot. The poor man starts to cry and the truck driver said 'come on man I was just joking, I can't stand to see a grown man cry, I'll buy you another drink'. 'Its not that' the man replied 'today is the worst day of my life, first I overslept and missed an important meeting and the boss sacked me. When I left the building I found that my car had been stolen. I got a taxi home, after paying the driver I got out, he drove off and I realised I left my wallet in the taxi. I got indoors to find my wife in bed with the gardener! So I come to the pub and just when I am thinking about putting an end to my life YOU show up and drink my poison.......