Joke!!!

[enduro]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a Dane, several Americans (including a Hawaiian
and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Slovak, an Australian, an Egyptian, a New Zealander, a Japanese, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Uzbek, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chi...nese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Israeli, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Liechtensteiner, a Moldovan, a Syrian, an Aruban, a Mongolian, a Portuguese, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Cook Islander, a Norfolk Islander, a Haitian, a
Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Tajikistani, an Armenian, an Albanian, a Samoan, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Belarusian, a Qatari, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Cuban, an Azerbaijani,
a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman,
an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and two Africans walk into a fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', "but you can't come in here without a Thai."

 

[Olz]

............

 

[Ian]

Lol! I hope you copied and pasted that. Your taxi's been ordered.


Sent via Tapatalk for iPhone

 

[Stef]

Cadbury's have just donated a giant chocolate bar to the Bank of England.

It's a massive Boost for the economy.

 

[poynton phil]

HOPE THIS AINT TOO RUDE FOR THE FORUM Two deaf people get married and during the first week of
marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom
with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read
lips.

After several nights of fumbling around and many
misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.

She writes:

'Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For
instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and
squeeze my left breast one time.
If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my
right breast two times.'

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back
to his wife if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on
his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two
hundred and fifty times.

 

[enduro]

HOPE THIS AINT TOO RUDE FOR THE FORUM Two deaf people get married and during the first week of
marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom
with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read
lips.

After several nights of fumbling around and many
misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.

She writes:

'Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For
instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and
squeeze my left breast one time.
If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my
right breast two times.'

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back
to his wife if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on
his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two
hundred and fifty times.

You will probably get a warning, i put one on like this and i did.

 

[Fliselege]

The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Malc demanded.
Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

Malc immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's £20.​

Go and buy yourself some underwear.'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she,
too, is wearing no undies.
'Sweet Mudder of Jaysus, woman! You've no knickers on. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Paddy reaches into his pocket and says ,'For the sake of decency, here's £10.​

Go and buy yourself some underwear!'

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head​

to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Fur Christ’s sake, Aggie! Where the friggin hell are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinnae give me enoughmoney tae be able tae afford any.'
Angus reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fur the love 'o decency, here's a comb......​

Tidy yerself up a bit.​

 

[DHTiling]

You will probably get a warning, i put one on like this and i did.

Moved to Arms, then out of public gaze that can earn a warning for doing so..

The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Malc demanded.
Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

Malc immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's £20.
Go and buy yourself some underwear.'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she,
too, is wearing no undies.
'Sweet Mudder of Jaysus, woman! You've no knickers on. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Paddy reaches into his pocket and says ,'For the sake of decency, here's £10.
Go and buy yourself some underwear!'

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head
to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Fur Christ’s sake, Aggie! Where the friggin hell are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinnae give me enoughmoney tae be able tae afford any.'
Angus reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fur the love 'o decency, here's a comb......
Tidy yerself up a bit.​

Gave you access to tilers arms, again joke not suitable for public sections of the forum as we like to keep it as clean as poss for younger viewers...


Hope that is ok with those effected.

 

[tobins tiling]

2 Irishmen working in a field ,paddy is digging holes and mick is filling them in. After 9 holes a women asks "why are you digging a hole and The other lad filling them in?" paddy replies "there's normally 3 of us but the lad who plants the trees phoned in sick today"

 

[John Benton]

They say one in every seven friends has a gambling addiction.

My money's on Dave.

 

[John Benton]

If I had a pound for every time I thought about my wife.

I'd probably start thinking about her. :lol:

 

[Muse2k8]

Rosie came home from pre-school. All excited she said to her mother,

"mum! Mum! Guess what I learnt today. I can count to 10 but all the other kids can only get to 5. Listen mummy listen. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. Aren't I clever mummy? Is it because I'm blonde?"

"yes dear it's because your blonde" her mum replied.

The next week Rosie came home excited again.

"Mummy mummy! I can now say the full alphabet! None of the other kids can yet mummy! Aren't I clever? Is it because I'm blonde mummy?"

"yes my love, it's because your blonde" her mum said smiling proudly.

The next week Rosie came running in again.

"Mummy today we had PE! And when we were changing my breasts were bigger than the other girls! Is it because I'm blonde mummy? Is it?"

Rosie's mum sighed...

"No it's because your 26 Rosie..."