Joke

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A beautiful fairy appeared one day to an immigrant claimant outside the Social Security Offices.

'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told to grant you three wishes, since you've just arrived in England with your wife and seven children.'
The man told the fairy: 'Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.'
The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and --PING!!! He had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!
'What else?' asked the fairy, 'two, more wishes, to go'.
The refugee claimant now got bolder.
'I need a big house with a three car garage in Birmingham with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my refugee relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here.
PING! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, and a sparkling swimming pool and a BMW, full of his nephews playing their music.
'One, more wish, left for you', said the fairy, waving her wand.
I want to be English with English clothes instead of rags, and shawl and I want to have white skin like the English.'
PING! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans from ASDA, a dirty Primark T-shirt and a greasy baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.
'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed. 'Where is my new house? Where's my Visa Gold Card?'
The fairy said 'Tough luck. Now that you are English, you're entitled to NOWT like the rest of us".
And she disappeared.
 



Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street , and had a drink in Mars bar.

He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said
with a Wispa.



'I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts' he replied.



He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.



Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her
Ripple.



He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.



Soon they were Heart Throbs.



It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.



But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.



Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had
Allsorts!
 
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Twix, Monster munch, the lot!
 
ARE YOU INSURED FOR SEX? Make sure you get the correct insurance for the sex you are having. Below you will find a list of companies, catering for most tastes.

1. Sex with wife: Legal & General.
2. Sex on the phone: Direct Line.
3. Sex with partner: Standard Life.
4. Sex with someone different: Go Compare.
5. Sex with a fat bird: More Than.
6. Sex in a car: Sheila's Wheels.
7. Sex with a posh bird: Privileged.
8. Sex with a tranny: Confused.com.
 
I took a Viagra with some prune juice today, I don't know if I'm coming or going.......


Sent via Tapatalk for iPhone
 
Went to see a clairvoyant a few weeks ago and she said I'd soon be coming into money. Last night I doinked a bird called Penny. Spooky or what.
 

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poynton phil,
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Fliselege,
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poynton phil,
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