Not bad

[jay]

[video]http://youtu.be/PRiYkwtBK34[/video]

 

[user123]

NOWWWW, tell me Jay, what were you searching for?? :lol:

 

[jay]

NOWWWW, tell me Jay, what were you searching for?? :lol:

was having a bo peep at this and got sidetracked[video]http://youtu.be/t5AqJww06bw[/video]

 

[Mike]

the guy with the moobs was funny :lol:

 

[SandyFloor]

The last one with the camera I have done several times when I was a lot younger. One time a mate and I pinched a camera and went into the gents to take the pic. This guy walks in just as I was kneeling to take a close up of my mate's nads. Slightly embarassing. Another time we I did it with a girl's camera around New Year and took some really disgusting pics. She put them in to be developed and it was her mother picked them up and decided to have a little peek at them and all hell broke loose :lol:

 

[jay]

YouTube - smoking kills

 

[user123]

YouTube - smoking kills

I've seen this before.... that SO bad...

. do we have a squirming smiley?? :lol:

 

[jay]

no squirming smiley not even a hamster

 

[jay]

4 Worms Church Sermon!

For those of you who missed church on Sunday, here is a recap!

Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!



A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol- Dead



The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead


Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead




Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -

What did you learn from this demonstration???


Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,



'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service

 

[jay]

A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.

They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland .

Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy
knickers for herself at the same time.

Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers.

Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.


Dear Mary,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we
go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have
chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which
are easier to remove).

These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed
me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly
noticed any marks.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even
though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub
against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed
to wash it since she began wearing them.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt
many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you
again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because
they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.

Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming
year.

I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love,

Chris

P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down
with a little bit of fur showing.







.

 

[user123]

OH dear! so what happened next!! :lol:

 

[DHTiling]

:lol: little bit if fur showing : lol:

 

[jay]

a mature lady gets pulled over for speeding...


Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?


Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.

Traffic Cop: Don't have one?

Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Traffic Cop: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Traffic Cop: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Traffic Cop: You what!?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The traffic cop is quite stunned.

Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license quizzically.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!

Older Woman: Bet the lying ******* told you I was speeding, too.

 

[user123]

You nicked that one from me!! :lol:

 

[jay]