Dear GRR,
Congratulations, and I suggest you make the most of it - preparing for the new baby is the best bit.
Its your first, so you will probably be euphoric for a couple of days after the birth. Until you realise you have to get up at 2 am every night for The feed. Then there is the collick, the colds, the teething, the strops, and thats before they can speak. Of course once they can speak "I want one of those" will be their first words, probably followed by "are we there yet?" on the next car journey. And spending £700 before Christmas on the Argus catalogue toy section is not as expensive as school. There is the breakfast club, football/ballet/cookery club/computer club/hockey/chess/horse riding/scouts/majorettes/and of course - the Tae Kwondo club. Its not the cost of all these that is the problem - there is always some relation (mug) who will cough up a years subscription for one of them - its the time. Your time - if its Tuesday its ballet, Wednesday is after school club, Thursday is 10 pin bowling and Friday is Melanies sleepover. Then there is the teens. It really is like the Harry Enfield caracture. If its a boy, its neanderthal grunts (ever heard a conversation on the phone, where the only word said is "yeah" about 37 times?), everything left where it is dropped, the stained bedding, and the punched holes in the walls - girls are more screaming tantrums, boys, disgusting bedrooms, boys, the drinking, boys, and the "I hate you mummy". Oh and boys. It does not get cheaper. Do you realise it costs over £1500 to insure a boy to drive a car, and about £900 if its a girl. Thats after you have bought the car. Filled it with petrol. Paid for their driving lessons. Had all the little dents knocked out. And worried at 4 am in the morning at why your son/daughter could have got to (in their car). You will be the mother too - that means you will never rest until they are home safe. Then there is the fateful phone call - you will get it one night. Probably right after you and Mr GRR has had a fabulous romantic night out at a nice restaurant and drunk rather a lot of wine (and caught a taxi home of course). "Is that Mrs GRR? Could you come and collect your son/daughter/disowned child. They are unconcious on the toilet floor of the Football Club. Should we get an ambulance do you think?" No just make them puke it all up, and preferably not in my bahroom......"
Oh yes it is an 18 year sentence. Parenthood. Enjoy.
I must go now. My glass is half empty, and I need to fill it.