tell me your best joke

[brian c]

After Great Sex,my Tai Girlfriend Lies There Stroking My Penis.i Ask Do You Want More Sex?she Replies 'no,i'm Just Admiring Your Manhood Kos I Really Miss Mine!'

 

[brian c]

Irishman Went For An Iq Test And Had To Put The Word Contageous Into A Sentence.'thats Easy' Said Paddy,i Asked My Mate To Dig A Hole And It Took The C**tages.

 

[wivers]

Is something wrong with my joke Varely????!!! hmmmmmm???? Okay so i stole my son's joke book , and what!!!! 🙂

 

[tjsmiler]

Go on Wivers ave im!!!

 

[tjsmiler]

Love em Brian, imagine if that actually happened lol

 

[brian c]

female dwarf goes to her dr complaining of a sore f***y.Dr looks and says 'pass me those scissors.'After snipping away for a few mins he says 'is that better?'Dwarf says thats marvelous,what did you do?.Dr says 'i cut the top off your wellies.'

 

[brian c]

wee guy sitting at a bar when a big thug walks in and hits him to the floor and says'thats a karate chop fae korea.'A while later thug walks up to him again andhits him to the floor and says' that was a judo chop fae japan' The wee guy goes out the pub and returns a few minutes later,he smacks the big thug on the head and knocks him out cold.He says to the barman 'when he wakes up tell him that was a crowbar fae B&Q!'

 

[brian c]

A Blonde Phones The Firebrigade To Tell Them Her House Is On Fire! Fireman Asks 'how Do We Get There?'....she Replies'helloooooooooo!!!!!! In The Big Red Lorry!'

 

[Simon.]

A man of the other persuation goes into the greengrocers to buy a cucumber - "I'd like to buy a cucumber please." The greengrocer says certainly sir, would you like it sliced? At that the customer replies "What do you think my a*** is, a money box?" Sorry about that, don't mean to offend anyone.

 

[Dan]

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops what they are doing to listen.


MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the shopping centre now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealers and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "£45,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £750,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer £700,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"