THE written Joke thread

[Diamond Pool Finishers]

A man enters a bar and orders a drink, the bar has a robot bartender, the robot serves his drink and asks him " what's your IQ?" the man says "150 why?". The robot proceeds to discuss global warming, quantum physics, theology & environmental issues.the man is very impressed, he decides to test the robot and orders another drink. The robot serves him and asks his IQ? The man says 100, so the robot talks about sport, womans breasts,fast food and fast cars.the man orders a third drink and tells the robot he has an IQ of 10, the robot says really really slowly ... So...how's... Things... In ... The... Tiling ... Game... You.. Busy..


PLEASE ADD TO THIS THREAD ANY GOOD JOKES YOU HAVE HEARD !!.......:lol:

 

[Two-Trowels]

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

 

[Dan]

A fish was swimming along and bumped his head, he said, oh damn.

 

[Rookery]

A rich arab oil sheik says to his 3 sons. Praise to Allah, we've struck another massive oil well and we're even more wealthy so you can each have a present, anything you like.
The eldest son says he'd like his own football team so his dad buys him Man City.
The middle son says he'd like his own aeroplane so his dad buys him a new A380 airbus.
The youngest son asks for a cowboy outfit so his dad buys him Topps Tiles.

 

[Gazzer]

Is this supposed to be The Rotten Joke Thread ?

 

[Two-Trowels]

Is this supposed to be The Rotten Joke Thread ?

Is this one any better?

A young pikey girl is sitting with her mum the night before her wedding. Her mum says to her;

"I want to talk to you about your wedding night. Your husband will want to stick his most prized possession where you pee."

The girl turns to her mum and says;

"Why would he want to put his tarmac rake in the sink?"
_________________

 

[gamma38]

If god were a vehicle' he would be an ice cream van. It brings joy to those that find it, but people who closely follow it are paedophiles.

 

[Alan M]

If god were a vehicle' he would be an ice cream van. It brings joy to those that find it, but people who closely follow it are paedophiles.

thats just so wrong and so right on so many different levels