Uheat Joke Friday - Happy Friday everyone!

[Uheat - Jacob]

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[Uheat - Jacob]

Subscribe for more jokes direct to your mailbox or send us your own jokes to be in with a chance of featuring, by clicking HERE!

 

[Uheat - Jacob]

Subscribe for more jokes direct to your mailbox or send us your own jokes to be in with a chance of featuring, by clicking HERE!

 

[Uheat - Jacob]

Subscribe for more jokes direct to your mailbox or send us your own jokes to be in with a chance of featuring, by clicking HERE!

 

[Uheat - Jacob]

Subscribe for more jokes direct to your mailbox or send us your own jokes to be in with a chance of featuring, by clicking HERE!

 

[Uheat - Jacob]

Despite cleaning all the stains off, I lost my job as a church window cleaner!


I’m really excited for the amateur autopsy club I just joined… Wednesday is open Mike night!


I took my new puppy for his first shots today... Poor little thing threw up everywhere. Maybe tequila wasn't the best choice!


I took my kids to the zoo last week… Popping back today to see if they've settled in!


Everything is easier said than done...unless it's Worcestershire Sauce!


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[Uheat - Jacob]

Caught my wife going through the neighbours bins... She's not nosey, just terrible at parking!


Just been told my son has swallowed his phone and it got stuck in his throat... I'm gonna ring his neck!


A man fell into a display of 300 golf clubs at a sports shop earlier today... Doctors have said that he should be ok but he's not out of the woods yet!


My wife said she was fed up with me putting the name of a vegetable in every sentence. "Are you going to stop?" she said. "Not neccecelery," I said.


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[Uheat - Jacob]

I've just driven behind an Audi that let someone out and used indicators... Naturally, I took a note of the reg and reported it stolen!

Here's an idea for an invention: A thought-controlled air freshener… It makes scents when you think about it!

My online banking password has been hacked again... This will be the third time I've had to rename the dog!

I bought a greyhound yesterday. My wife said, "Are you going to race him?" I said, "No, he’s much faster than me!"

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[Uheat - Jacob]

The wife was all dressed as a pedal bin for the fancy dress party when it was cancelled at the last minute... Boy did she flip her lid!


My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner… So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm!


I took my suit to the cleaners, who wanted to charge me £15. Instead I gave my suit to the charity shop next door. They cleaned and pressed it, and put it in the window. I bought it for £4.50!


I had eczema, diarrhoea and haemorrhoids over the weekend... My best game of Scrabble ever!


Subscribe for more jokes direct to your mailbox or send us your own jokes to be in with a chance of featuring, by clicking HERE!

 

[Uheat - Jacob]

The wife was all dressed as a pedal bin for the fancy dress party when it was cancelled at the last minute... Boy did she flip her lid!


My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner… So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm!


I took my suit to the cleaners, who wanted to charge me £15. Instead I gave my suit to the charity shop next door. They cleaned and pressed it, and put it in the window. I bought it for £4.50!


I had eczema, diarrhoea and haemorrhoids over the weekend... My best game of Scrabble ever!


Subscribe for more jokes direct to your mailbox or send us your own jokes to be in with a chance of featuring, by clicking HERE!