I
Ian
I'll set the scene. The in laws invited us round for a BBQ yesterday, and these are always well prepared events with enough food to feed the entire neighbourhood. The wife fancied a few Pimms so I agreed to drive and was going to make up for the lack of alcohol by having a meat feast. The meat selection was something to behold, pork and apple burgers, reggae reggae chicken and pepper kebabs, sticky ribs and a variety of sausage treats. Along with the meat was the usual nonsense, salad, cold pasta, potato salad, all of which I had no intention of eating as I wanted to fill up on the meaty goodness. I had a vast quantity followed by handpicked strawberries and Cornish ice cream, lovely, I hear you say and it was indeed, until this morning.
I had my usual visit to the bathroom at 07.15 but, couldn't help but feel there was still more to come and feared that I hadn't yet seen the previous afternoons feast. I wasn't overly concerned and jumped in the van and got on my way to work at 07.30. All was well until the lady of the house offered me a coffee upon my arrival, this seemed to act as a trigger for bathroom visit number two however, I'm not a fan of unloading waste products when my customers are at home so, decided to wait, cross legged, until they went out to fetch a border tile I needed. This was a torturous 45 minutes away.
Finally at 08.45 they got in the car and I merrily waved them off, about turned and speedily waddled to the lavvy with tommy the turtle well and truly on show by now. I made it just in time much to the relief of my matalan briefs. It was a quick visit as the odour was making my eyes stream and the wallpaper had started to curl away from the skirting boards, I got up, sorted myself out and exited the gas chamber only to be greeted by my elderly customer on the other side of the door! There was no way on earth that she hadn't noticed that her immaculate home now had the odour of a pig farm and I'm pretty sure she showed signs of breathing difficulties. She told me she'd forgotten her purse, quickly grabbed it from the kitchen, then wearily staggered out of the back door and into the fresh air, leaving me red faced but immensely relieved. I carried on and wondered if the subject would be brought up when they returned. 2 hours passed and they were back with my border tiles, nothing was mentioned and I was even offered another coffee! I politely declined fearing a repeat of the earlier fiasco.
This evening, I've had a bowl of rice for my dinner, I hope tomorrow is a better, incident free day.
I had my usual visit to the bathroom at 07.15 but, couldn't help but feel there was still more to come and feared that I hadn't yet seen the previous afternoons feast. I wasn't overly concerned and jumped in the van and got on my way to work at 07.30. All was well until the lady of the house offered me a coffee upon my arrival, this seemed to act as a trigger for bathroom visit number two however, I'm not a fan of unloading waste products when my customers are at home so, decided to wait, cross legged, until they went out to fetch a border tile I needed. This was a torturous 45 minutes away.
Finally at 08.45 they got in the car and I merrily waved them off, about turned and speedily waddled to the lavvy with tommy the turtle well and truly on show by now. I made it just in time much to the relief of my matalan briefs. It was a quick visit as the odour was making my eyes stream and the wallpaper had started to curl away from the skirting boards, I got up, sorted myself out and exited the gas chamber only to be greeted by my elderly customer on the other side of the door! There was no way on earth that she hadn't noticed that her immaculate home now had the odour of a pig farm and I'm pretty sure she showed signs of breathing difficulties. She told me she'd forgotten her purse, quickly grabbed it from the kitchen, then wearily staggered out of the back door and into the fresh air, leaving me red faced but immensely relieved. I carried on and wondered if the subject would be brought up when they returned. 2 hours passed and they were back with my border tiles, nothing was mentioned and I was even offered another coffee! I politely declined fearing a repeat of the earlier fiasco.
This evening, I've had a bowl of rice for my dinner, I hope tomorrow is a better, incident free day.
