Dear wivers.

[wivers]

Hello and welcome to my new Dear wivers thread.

Anyone with any problems outside of the tiling world that they need to share, feel free to pop in and share them with your auntie wivers. I can assure you that all personal matters will be spoken about in strictest confidence, and will not leave the these four monitor walls.

So if there are any of you out there like Gazz with a wet pantie problem, or like TJ with a rather crazy personality disorder, or like Varley with his Arcade habbit, please come and share them with auntie wivers. :wink_smile:

 

[GazTech]

Hello and welcome to my new Dear wivers thread.

Anyone with any problems outside of the tiling world that they need to share, feel free to pop in and share them with your auntie wivers. I can assure you that all personal matters will be spoken about in strictest confidence, and will not leave the these four monitor walls.

So if there are any of you out there like Gazz with a wet pantie problem, or like TJ with a rather crazy personality disorder, or like Varley with his Arcade habbit, please come and share them with auntie wivers. :wink_smile:

Dear wivers A friend who shall remane nameless Wivers did make me laugh so hard once that a little squirt of wee came out,:embaressed_smile: later that day on a new thread about tools in your toolbox,I included panty pads in mine!! hence to coin the phrase a "PP moment" . I know I will never live it down,and have tried to avoid any contact with this un-named person wivers,but am hoping to meet up with him in London for the tile and stone show in a few weeks,and have of course packed my always ultra,tena lady etc in anticipation! thank you for listening wivers,can you offer me any advice,yours ashamedly Gary from Lancashire

 

[wivers]

Dear wivers A friend who shall remane nameless Wivers did make me laugh so hard once that a little squirt of wee came out,:embaressed_smile: later that day on a new thread about tools in your toolbox,I included panty pads in mine!! hence to coin the phrase a "PP moment" . I know I will never live it down,and have tried to avoid any contact with this un-named person wivers,but am hoping to meet up with him in London for the tile and stone show in a few weeks,and have of course packed my always ultra,tena lady etc in anticipation! thank you for listening wivers,can you offer me any advice,yours ashamedly Gary from Lancashire

Well firstly let me start by saying a big hello to you Gary and thank you for seeking my help.

Well it seems like this person whoever they maybe is a rather nasty chap indeed, although at the same time i sense there is something rather sexy about him....

The fact that you cant control your bodily functions when reading posts of a comic nature really isnt your fault, it probably stems from a deep down longing to be a girl! If not it maybe a dietry problem. I have heard that drinking too much Guiness can make you loose cotrol of your pee on the odd occasion, do you ever induldge in Guiness drinking at all??

My advice to you is to keep using the pantie pads, maybe upgrading to the ones that look like huggies pullups. If this fails to help maybe look into having a colostomy bag fitted.

As for the name calling and insensativity you are being put through as a result of this matter i recomend going out at the T&S show, and getting yourself and everyone else there soo P""sed that you ALL wet yourselfs, that way you won't be the only pee pee pants on the forum.

I hope my advice helps Gary, good luck

Auntie wivers :wink_smile:

 

[GazTech]

Well firstly let me start by saying a big hello to you Gary and thank you for seeking my help.

Well it seems like this person whoever they maybe is a rather nasty chap indeed, although at the same time i sense there is something rather sexy about him....

The fact that you cant control your bodily functions when reading posts of a comic nature really isnt your fault, it probably stems from a deep down longing to be a girl! If not it maybe a dietry problem. I have heard that drinking too much Guiness can make you loose cotrol of your pee on the odd occasion, do you ever induldge in Guiness drinking at all??

My advice to you is to keep using the pantie pads, maybe upgrading to the ones that look like huggies pullups. If this fails to help maybe look into having a colostomy bag fitted.

As for the name calling and insensativity you are being put through as a result of this matter i recomend going out at the T&S show, and getting yourself and everyone else there soo P""sed that you ALL wet yourselfs, that way you won't be the only pee pee pants on the forum.

I hope my advice helps Gary, good luck

Auntie wivers :wink_smile:

Dear Auntie wivers ,many thanks for your words of wisdom on such a delicate matter,you got the Guinness thing spot on,and yes I will get you errm sorry him pi**ed in London,

 

[IvegotsTILE]

Hi Wivers lately I've been feeling rather randy when I'm in the male changing rooms at my local gym,the male members are making my member twitch with excitement,is this just a faze I'm going through?:embaressed_smile:

 

[wivers]

Hello Ivegots.

I'm afraid that i dont belive this to be a faze that your going through. The fact that your member is twitching rather alot around semi naked men is a large indication that you have contracted what is known in the Forum as "Varley disease". Does your member suffer from rapid twitching when you beat high scores on arcade games??? If so then i am 99% posative you have the disease and should seek medical attention at once.

Just as a little test for yourself though, go to the "top 3" thread, look at the pictures on there and see if your member gives off twitches of life. If it does, do not rush back in here to tell me, just grab a firm hand of your member and, ride like the wind!!

Hopefully this will help with your clearly delicate problem Ivegots.

Auntie wivers. :wink_smile:

 

[laurami tiling]

dear auntie wifers,
recently i have noticed that when i have completed a job and the nice customer says is a cheque allright a terrible nausia overcomes me, also i find mysef muttering obsenities under my breath whilst saying through a forced smile "that will be loverly "
is this condition some form of touretes and is there a cure

yours faithfully

worried from durham

 

[wivers]

Dear worried from Durham.

Please please please do not feel alone with this condition. There thousands out there all suffering from the same condition. No it is not a form of touretes syndrome, nore is it incurable.
It is what has become known in the trade circles as "Taxman intolerance syndrome".
The main symptoms can be detected as follows : 1.Hiding large sums of cash under your bed, pillow or floorboards. 2. Breaking into cold sweats around accountants or at the mention of "book keeping" 3. Terrible ensomnia brought on by bad dreams about flying cheques trying to attack you 4. Over excitement about cash payments resulting in customers legs being humped as if you were a wild animal on heat.

There is thankfully a cure, although the side effects can cause a major decrease in your income pressure.

For more information on the cure please go to www.goddamntaxmanneedsadirtygreatslap .co.uk

I hope this helps Laurami before you find yourself force feeding a client personal cheque on toast.

all the best
Auntie wivers. :wink_smile:

 

[IvegotsTILE]

Dear Wivers
I'm having awful problems controlling my temper of late,I seem to be having alot of people asking me to lay the highest quality £5sqm floor tiles by Homebase,B&Q and Wickes.As I'm sure you can imagine there all going to be exactly the same size and thickness.To top things off they want to supply their own adhesive which is high grade all-in-one adhesive and grout.
Please can you help with my anger managment,I think I'm GOING TO EXPLODE!

 

[wivers]

Dear Ivegots.

My my my you do seem to be having alot of troubles recently.

I belive this temper control thing is being triggered by the anxiety or your twitching member.
I mean if you can lose your cool over generous customers offering to supply you with DIY's finest products such as the magnificent Wicks tile&grout or the B&Q value bucket adhesive there is a major problem.
Many people would relish the chance to use such fantastic Ready Mixed Floor Adhesive and many crave the opportunity to lay such wonderfully well crafted 31 1/2 x 32 tiles, and at £5sqm you should feel privileged at the thought of laying such quality.

Now firstly i sudgest dealing with the twitchy member syndrome to help you relax around these generous customers, then if you feel yourself bubbling over whilst in a heated debate with them i want you to count to 3, walk to your van, shut the door, winde the windows up and shout "I will not slap those damn pikey customers who think i can lay sh$& £5sqm floor tiles with 2 buckets of SLIP AND S HI T without them all popping up in a matter of days and without using Z shaped spacers to counter the fact that every sodding tile is out of square by at least 2 mm and covered in stupid damn glue from the cheapo boxes they all came in!!!!!!!!!!". Then breath in slowly......and out.....in.......and out.....
Do this until you feel your anger subside then return to the happy customer a carry on with the glourious task ahead of you.
When your day is complete go home and relax in the bath by rubbing some essential oils into your twitching member.

I hope this helps Ivegots

Auntie wivers:wink_smile:

 

[IvegotsTILE]

Thank you Auntie Wivers
I've solved the twitching member syndrome,my 3 favourite birds are Jordan,Kylie and Rachel Stevens(there so not gay icons,I promise)
Still having trouble with my anger though,will try harder

Thanks for the support,I'll try and stay strong:cry_smile:

 

[GazTech]

Dear Auntie Wivers, being the only retailer on the forum,can be quite lonely having to defend myself all the time on behalf of the multi national corporate people I work for .My problem as an ex -tiler with 20 yrs service is this,WHY THE FURK WOULD ANYONE EVER IN A MILLION YEARS,GIVEN HALF NAY A QUARTER OF THE SENCE THEY WERE BORN WITH ,BOOK A TILER ON A TUESDAY TO TILE FOR THEM,WHEN THE TILES ORDERED WILL ONLY ARRIVE THE DAY BEFORE,WHY DO THESE POND LIVES THINK THAT SOMEONE IS PACKING THEIR TILES UP IN STEEL BOXES AND BUBBLE WRAP AND CARRYING THEM ON FOOT FROM TURKEY TO MY SHOP?????????????? sorry Auntie Wivers but I don't think even you oh great wise one can answer that .......or can you?

 

[wivers]

Dear Gaz

I can see that you have developed terrible IVEGOTS syndrome here. Have you two been swapping boddily fluids of any kind? I have warned you all many a time about the dangers of unprotected postings!!!

The reason these how you say, POND LIVES cause you so much distress is because in the face of it all they are just ignorant earthlings that choose to live their lives in one enourmous great bubble of utter stupidness. They do not have the common sense nor the brain power to realise your job is not to provide tiles on the spot from places half way around the globe. They do not care if you stress all day trying to get your deliveries in on time to satisfy the needs of so many, and they sertainly don't care if you haven't had a *** break or a can of Guiness in over an hour!!!

My advice to you my aging little beauty, is to take them all with about as much salt as you would find in an ants sperm sack. Then at the end of your long tiering day go home to "our Peg" and give her all the SAGA loving you and your overworked love loofa can spare.

Oh and dont forget to open a tin of the black stuff or two either.

Hope this helps.

Auntie wivers. :wink_smile:

 

[GazTech]

Dear Gaz

I can see that you have developed terrible IVEGOTS syndrome here. Have you two been swapping boddily fluids of any kind? I have warned you all many a time about the dangers of unprotected postings!!!

The reason these how you say, POND LIVES cause you so much distress is because in the face of it all they are just ignorant earthlings that choose to live their lives in one enourmous great bubble of utter stupidness. They do not have the common sense nor the brain power to realise your job is not to provide tiles on the spot from places half way around the globe. They do not care if you stress all day trying to get your deliveries in on time to satisfy the needs of so many, and they sertainly don't care if you haven't had a *** break or a can of Guiness in over an hour!!!

My advice to you my aging little beauty, is to take them all with about as much salt as you would find in an ants sperm sack. Then at the end of your long tiering day go home to "our Peg" and give her all the SAGA loving you and your overworked love loofa can spare.

Oh and dont forget to open a tin of the black stuff or two either.

Hope this helps.

Auntie wivers. :wink_smile:

You make such a positive difference in all our lives Auntie Wivs,God bless you

 

[laurami tiling]

yes i agree with the gaz man , where would we be without auntie to mop our temperd brows.
we love you auntie:angel_smile:

unworried of durham