Doctor Wivers

[monty]

I've got a drink problem wivers....Can you help???

























I've only got 1 mouth..:lol:

 

[wivers]

I'm having a problem maybe you can help me out cause I'm feeling bad.

I go on a tiling forum quite often and theres this one ginger fella on there that keeps picking on me.
After a while I decided to give the person a phone call because you could find his number on his website,the ginger persons wife answered and we both discussed the ginger persons many,many faults.
Anyway we decided to meet up and we got on famously,one thing led to another and we've now been seeing each other for a while behind the ginger persons back,she's actually carrying my child and the ginger person thinks its his.

My dilema is should I tell the ginger one the truth,I feel bad because he doesn't have a clue cause he's always on the computer?

Dear Mr Ivegots this is a very serious problem, and one i don't belive i can perscribe any medication for.

I don't beilve you should tell the ginger person in question the truth as it may cause him to spiral into an out of control nudey photo posting spree.

The best thing i think you can do is end the affair with the woman in question, its very probable that she's begining to get bored with your 3 minute sweaty pump pump sessions anyway.

As for the child problem i think you can rest easy. After you donated your sperm for the 5 quid you needed for a copy of Readers wifes 50's and over, we tested your seamen in the lab,and the results proved your as seedless as eunuc in jaffa orange factory!

I hope this helps and i look forward to hearing from you with regards to that very personal anal wart problem you've been having.

Regards Doctor Wivers

 

[wivers]

Hello Monty.

I'm sorry but i don't belive there's anything i can prescribe for this problem, but if you would like to meet me in the Dog and Duck public house for lunch we can discuss so possible solutions.

Although i could try shock tactics.....Monty if you don't stop your hard drinking and late night trips to Soho you may well end up looking like this!!!!

View attachment 1229

 

[monty]

pmsl hahhahahahahahahahahaha funny guy you wivs...:joker:

 

[Perry]

wivs seeing that i am off the drink for good mate i don't want to end up looking like that

 

[CLAYS TILES]

:lol: :hurray: :lol: pms l:lol: :hurray: :lol: :hurray: :lol:

 

[tiler burden]

dear doctor wivers

can u help please!!

i have been working with 2 scottish tilers called ben doon and phil mccrakin and i have developed a terrible case of ring sting.

what can you do to for me..my other doctor,DR B, manning, told me to drink a pint of andrews liver salts and eat a chicken vindaloo??? i asked would that help beut he replied, no!! but it will show you what you r's is really for!!!!

could you give me a 2nd opinion :0(

 

[wivers]

Dear dear me Mr Burden.

This does sound a very painful case indeed.

To get rid of the stinging of the brown tea towl holder i will prescribe you some of my home made pile cream. Gaz has been using it for months and swears by it.

Its made from the nip milk of a pregnant woman, a ginger mans seamen, and the froth from a pint of guiness.

I best just mention that it is to be applied directly to brown ballon knot and not drank.....which i forgot to mention to Gaz!

As for a prevention from the problem i would sugest pading out your pants and keeping a small hedgehog in there.

This will give the two Scotish sausage jockeys the shock of their lives when they try to attack your anal mole hole with their hammer headed love haggis!

I hope this helps

Regards

Doctor Wivers

 

[user123]

Just had it confirmed, Wivers will continue to be the forum doctor.... :lol:

 

[Perry]

i forgot how many problems you guys had they need your help Wivs still

 

[wivers]

Well i'm more than happy to offer my medical knowledge lol

 

[Pebbs]

Dear Dr Wivers,

Since being on the wagon for a couple of months now, I have taken to lusting after anything with a 4% alcoholic content, only tonight I was standing at Morrisons rubbing my hands over some bottles of Matese Rose, before security dragged me away. Is this a passing phase or have I got a problem?

Pebbs

 

[Perry]

Lynn I would hate to be you when Wivs sees this good luck

 

[wivers]

Hi Pebbs,

Thanks for coming to me with this problem as soon as you have , we need to get this sorted quickly before your standards drop and you find yourself in Lidl's rubbing your legs over a bottle of White Lightening Cider.

Believe me being escorted off the premises by their security guards there is very very embarrassing indeed.

They manhandle you with such force that your trousers fall down, you fall over and end up ontop of a pensioner....erm ...so i've heard..

Anyway, i believe that the source of this problem goes right back to your teenage years....was you a problem drinker in your youth? Did you stand on street corners late at night drinking thunderbird, 20/20, super T and any other alcohol you could get a passer by get for you from the local off licence?

I think what we need to do is simple....firstly we phone all the local super market chains and make them aware of your rubbing problem, i'm sure they will be happy to ban you from store.

Then i think we should ask Dave to Silicon your arms to your side so that you physically can't move them.

After 6 weeks cold turkey i think you will feel much better, of course you will have to live by drinking protein milkshakes through a straw during that period, but it will be worth it to be able to browse the drinks isle freely once again.

I hope this is of help and good luck.

 

[user123]

Doctor Wivers, I have procrastination issues ... please help!!