W
wivers
Last episode saw me on weymouth beach being attacked by a mad man in a wheel chair.
Later on we went back to the camp site and got ready for dinner in the camp restaurant where we sampled the fine Haven quisine.
I started the meal with the Unshelled prawn cocktail, and the mrs had the bbq sparrows wings. I then moved on to the Jawbreaker steak with teeth chipper chips, and the mrs had hot and cold burger with invisible onion rings or as i call them batter rings. Needless to say i swerved desert, but got hit with a £60 bill anyway as my kids now eat like adults and the camp site must charge 250% tax on lager.
Anyway we thought we would end the evening by going to see the night time ETERTAINMENT SHOW.
Well entertaining it was although not for the reasons it was meant to be.
You see the red coat wanabees were putting on a disco show full of singing and dancing.
The only problems with this was a. they couldn't sing and b. they couldn't dance...oh yea and they were all pig ugly.
So the show began with a woan dressed in a tight skirt and a nose like an arroused donkey singing disco inferno, this led into a duet by two two of the local village idiots who also incorperated a camp dance routine into their song that right said fred would have been proud of ( no dave this is a bad thing ).
Then i watched as a woman who looked like Ian dowie and donatella versace had consived her at chernobyl in 1986, sang if you think i'm sexy!!!
Then..the piece de resistance..... an extremely fat reincarnation of jeremy beadle in a skin tight black lycra t-shirt and bright pink cargo pants began to break dance!!!!!!
I kid you not i nearlly fell off my chair crying with laughter!!!! It was by far the best act i'd ever seen. As he boved one way in a spinning motion his manboobs took 3 minutes to catch up!!!! He did a back flip in 4 stages and he almost smashed a glass on the front row table when he attempted a spin on his back!!!
The thing is i was klling myself laughing histerically and the rest of the audience where looking at me like i was the wierdo!!!! which made me laugh even more!!!
My mrs thought that we best get up and leave the show as some of the town inbreds were becoming very upset at my uncontrolable laughter and she thought i may be eaten by a table of lard arses to the right of us, so we took the kids in the the emmusement arcades.
I gave the kids 10 quid each in pound coins and told them not to waste it and they came back 3 minutes later with their hands empty.
Well actually not empty, coz these games machines gave you tickets for how well you score on the game, tickets wich you can exchange for a price at the shop.
The more tickets you have the better the prizes.
I thought ths wasn't such a bad idea so i gave them another 10 quid each and thought i'd have a go on the deal or no deal game.
After 5 go's i had 400 tickets, i was well chuffed and though i'd go and see what i could get with it, a fluffy bear for my baby? a football for my son? a nice dolly for my girl??
NO with my 400 tickets i could get .... a pool ball keyring!! 400 and all i can get is a sodding keyring!!! What the hell was i gonna do with that apart from aim it a the disco dancing Christopher Biggins!!
I looked around at the prizes on offer and saw a remote control car for 10000 tickets! An i pod for 50000 and a playstaion 3 for 1000000 tockets...... well what a lot of good that was .. apart from the fact it would cost a fortune to get it would also take forever!
I went back and found the kids and gave them the tickets to split and then thought i would have 1 quick go on the crane game to try and win a kung fu panada for my baby..... 20 quid later i was still there cursing the machine thats grabbing claw had the grip of a 90 year old with arthritis.
My last go ended with the claw dropping the panda just before the exit chute for the 15th time and with me being escorted out of the arcade by the security gaurd for trying to shake the damn thing out of the machine!!!!
Anyway day 1 over the kids knackerd, me potless and baned from the arcade and the mrs as up for some holiday loving as a nun on bromide, the holiday could only get better ....couldn't it??!!
Later on we went back to the camp site and got ready for dinner in the camp restaurant where we sampled the fine Haven quisine.
I started the meal with the Unshelled prawn cocktail, and the mrs had the bbq sparrows wings. I then moved on to the Jawbreaker steak with teeth chipper chips, and the mrs had hot and cold burger with invisible onion rings or as i call them batter rings. Needless to say i swerved desert, but got hit with a £60 bill anyway as my kids now eat like adults and the camp site must charge 250% tax on lager.
Anyway we thought we would end the evening by going to see the night time ETERTAINMENT SHOW.
Well entertaining it was although not for the reasons it was meant to be.
You see the red coat wanabees were putting on a disco show full of singing and dancing.
The only problems with this was a. they couldn't sing and b. they couldn't dance...oh yea and they were all pig ugly.
So the show began with a woan dressed in a tight skirt and a nose like an arroused donkey singing disco inferno, this led into a duet by two two of the local village idiots who also incorperated a camp dance routine into their song that right said fred would have been proud of ( no dave this is a bad thing ).
Then i watched as a woman who looked like Ian dowie and donatella versace had consived her at chernobyl in 1986, sang if you think i'm sexy!!!
Then..the piece de resistance..... an extremely fat reincarnation of jeremy beadle in a skin tight black lycra t-shirt and bright pink cargo pants began to break dance!!!!!!
I kid you not i nearlly fell off my chair crying with laughter!!!! It was by far the best act i'd ever seen. As he boved one way in a spinning motion his manboobs took 3 minutes to catch up!!!! He did a back flip in 4 stages and he almost smashed a glass on the front row table when he attempted a spin on his back!!!
The thing is i was klling myself laughing histerically and the rest of the audience where looking at me like i was the wierdo!!!! which made me laugh even more!!!
My mrs thought that we best get up and leave the show as some of the town inbreds were becoming very upset at my uncontrolable laughter and she thought i may be eaten by a table of lard arses to the right of us, so we took the kids in the the emmusement arcades.
I gave the kids 10 quid each in pound coins and told them not to waste it and they came back 3 minutes later with their hands empty.
Well actually not empty, coz these games machines gave you tickets for how well you score on the game, tickets wich you can exchange for a price at the shop.
The more tickets you have the better the prizes.
I thought ths wasn't such a bad idea so i gave them another 10 quid each and thought i'd have a go on the deal or no deal game.
After 5 go's i had 400 tickets, i was well chuffed and though i'd go and see what i could get with it, a fluffy bear for my baby? a football for my son? a nice dolly for my girl??
NO with my 400 tickets i could get .... a pool ball keyring!! 400 and all i can get is a sodding keyring!!! What the hell was i gonna do with that apart from aim it a the disco dancing Christopher Biggins!!
I looked around at the prizes on offer and saw a remote control car for 10000 tickets! An i pod for 50000 and a playstaion 3 for 1000000 tockets...... well what a lot of good that was .. apart from the fact it would cost a fortune to get it would also take forever!
I went back and found the kids and gave them the tickets to split and then thought i would have 1 quick go on the crane game to try and win a kung fu panada for my baby..... 20 quid later i was still there cursing the machine thats grabbing claw had the grip of a 90 year old with arthritis.
My last go ended with the claw dropping the panda just before the exit chute for the 15th time and with me being escorted out of the arcade by the security gaurd for trying to shake the damn thing out of the machine!!!!
Anyway day 1 over the kids knackerd, me potless and baned from the arcade and the mrs as up for some holiday loving as a nun on bromide, the holiday could only get better ....couldn't it??!!
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