tell me your best joke

[vince1]

????????????????????

 

[Dan]

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

 

[vince1]

class mate hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 10 out of 10

 

[Dan]

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

 

[DevonR]

Seeing as the blonde issue has been broached, I guess it's fair game on all other normally taboo and politically incorrect subjects soooooooooo....


How many nails in a lesbians coffin.....









.....none it's all tongue and groove! :wink_smile:

 

[Leatherface]

Have you heard the one about the female tiler ????
Don't know the punchline yet !!!!

Sorry ladies
Only joking

 

[clmcg123]

a woman goes to the drs and asks for some sleeping tblts for her husband.what for?the dr asks.cant he sleep?no said the wife,he keeps waking up!!

 

[wivers]

" My mrs said she's getting pi**ed off with our old car, she said she wants something that go's from 0-140 in 3 seconds......So i bought the fat cow some bathroom scales!!!"

 

[Dan]

Haaaahahhaa I like 'em

 

[Varley]

" My mrs said she's getting pi**ed off with our old car, she said she wants something that go's from 0-140 in 3 seconds......So i bought the fat cow some bathroom scales!!!"

Absolutely class m8, LMAO

 

[wivers]

Thanks mate. Cost me a right hander from her indoors though.

 

[vince1]

very good mate hahahaha i told my mates that one about 0 to 130 hahaha

 

[Dan]

Thanks mate. Cost me a right hander from her indoors though.

Well worth it

Here's one that gave me belly ache laughing so hard.....

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.


''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs £10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the £10.

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the £10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

 

[CON5933]

:wink_smile: brilliant

 

[CON5933]

Tim the tiler was absolutely delighted with his downstairs bathroom.... he'd spent a fortune on the travertine tiles, the room was finished and he'd invited his mate Billy around to have a look.
His wife thought she'd try the shower out, as she stepped from the shower she slipped on the new tiles, done the splits and was 'firmly suctioned' to the floor by her fanny...
Tim and Billy ran in to help her but she wouldn't budge...
"hang on" said Billy, "i'll get a hammer and chisel and we can break the tile around her fanny"
"SOD THAT" said Tim, "help me slide her into the hallway...the tiles are cheaper there":angel_smile: