D
diamondtiling
Just thought it might be interesting to put the story together.
:yikes:
Once upon a time, there was a gay wedding party between two tilers who were called Dave and Dan. They met in tile giant after calling in because it was snowing and they were cold. A close friend of theirs called Wivers was also in the shop when without warning he got laid, luckily Liz ran in to find Gooner on his knees washing his tool in a washboy. Shop assistant Murf tripped over some lippage and fell into Doug's arms who in turn fell onto a rubi whilst drinking a glass of wine, "oh my God!" wivers gasped aloud, "nice ginger nuts you have gooner, do you come here often?"
Meanwhile Dave was holding Dan against a wall and was groping his bum, he whispered quietly "take wivers mankini off my effin grout float man"
Bertha then joined in and jumped both of them.
Without a word Dan walked out and slipped quietly behind Liz which was for him a very nice experience, she meanwhile was pondering her options of getting well laid whilst holding some uncalibrated tiles. "Its not safe without proper protection" a salesman said, "but I do like your equipment Liz, theres not many of those to a pound"
"You cheeky sod", said Liz, "you must be a forum member?" I am going to stick this straight up your Kyber pass" said the salesman, "carry on style"
Just then the shop manager Sid james, asked, "whats up matron?"
"I need coffee" she said, "and where the hell is that TJ?"
TJ answered from the stores " I have a confession to make about my ring, its got hairs on it" I stuck a batton and a cucumber where the sun doesn't shine and it hurts.
Meanwhile Wivers suddenly appeared with a dark rum and was clearly around the bend, "I can see the starting point of your back alley through all that volcanic ash" He was clearly deluded.
"Do it now!" he insisted "right here now!, bend over!, your going to get disciplined so get ready because here it comes, it might be a problem though if its a dirty tool so pass the wipes in case its leaking"
"Oh Christ, cover your face, the ball valves jammed, its gonna blow!!!" wivers shouted.
"NO YOUR NOT SPENT YET!!!" said Liz "keep going"
Gooner appeared and moaned that he needed some money to get himself a swedish au pair from the internet to marry him, "don't tell the wife" he whispered. Whitebeam turned up and offered some vaseline in case things went pear shaped.
Outside Doug was raising the flagpole with the good old red, white and blue but after watching all the commotion through the window he manged to raise the South African flag and cause a scandal in Scotland.
Prime minister Cameron happened to be in the shop and asked "where is grumpy and timeless john?" "Tj is asleep because he needs more coffee, he has had a big packet of salty peanuts and they have played havoc with his ring of fire" said Dave. "We tried gaviscon but it just burned a hole straight through it causing major........................
The story continues.................:lol::lol:
:builder2:
:yikes:
Once upon a time, there was a gay wedding party between two tilers who were called Dave and Dan. They met in tile giant after calling in because it was snowing and they were cold. A close friend of theirs called Wivers was also in the shop when without warning he got laid, luckily Liz ran in to find Gooner on his knees washing his tool in a washboy. Shop assistant Murf tripped over some lippage and fell into Doug's arms who in turn fell onto a rubi whilst drinking a glass of wine, "oh my God!" wivers gasped aloud, "nice ginger nuts you have gooner, do you come here often?"
Meanwhile Dave was holding Dan against a wall and was groping his bum, he whispered quietly "take wivers mankini off my effin grout float man"
Bertha then joined in and jumped both of them.
Without a word Dan walked out and slipped quietly behind Liz which was for him a very nice experience, she meanwhile was pondering her options of getting well laid whilst holding some uncalibrated tiles. "Its not safe without proper protection" a salesman said, "but I do like your equipment Liz, theres not many of those to a pound"
"You cheeky sod", said Liz, "you must be a forum member?" I am going to stick this straight up your Kyber pass" said the salesman, "carry on style"
Just then the shop manager Sid james, asked, "whats up matron?"
"I need coffee" she said, "and where the hell is that TJ?"
TJ answered from the stores " I have a confession to make about my ring, its got hairs on it" I stuck a batton and a cucumber where the sun doesn't shine and it hurts.
Meanwhile Wivers suddenly appeared with a dark rum and was clearly around the bend, "I can see the starting point of your back alley through all that volcanic ash" He was clearly deluded.
"Do it now!" he insisted "right here now!, bend over!, your going to get disciplined so get ready because here it comes, it might be a problem though if its a dirty tool so pass the wipes in case its leaking"
"Oh Christ, cover your face, the ball valves jammed, its gonna blow!!!" wivers shouted.
"NO YOUR NOT SPENT YET!!!" said Liz "keep going"
Gooner appeared and moaned that he needed some money to get himself a swedish au pair from the internet to marry him, "don't tell the wife" he whispered. Whitebeam turned up and offered some vaseline in case things went pear shaped.
Outside Doug was raising the flagpole with the good old red, white and blue but after watching all the commotion through the window he manged to raise the South African flag and cause a scandal in Scotland.
Prime minister Cameron happened to be in the shop and asked "where is grumpy and timeless john?" "Tj is asleep because he needs more coffee, he has had a big packet of salty peanuts and they have played havoc with his ring of fire" said Dave. "We tried gaviscon but it just burned a hole straight through it causing major........................
The story continues.................:lol::lol:
:builder2:
