jokes

[doug boardley]

God created Man, stepped back, had a look and said: "Perfect!"

He then created Woman, stepped back, had a look and said: "Oh no!.this will have to wear make-up"

 

[doug boardley]

Little boy gets home from school and says: "Dad, I've got a part in the school play. I play a man who's been married for 25 years."

His dad replies: "Never mind son, maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."

 

[DHTiling]

God created Man, stepped back, had a look and said: "Perfect!"

He then created Woman, stepped back, had a look and said: "Oh no!.this will have to wear make-up"

Doug.. do you know why man was created before woman.. So he could get some peace for a short while.:lol:

 

[nybor62]

Now do you see the confusion?




""""NOT SUITABLE."""

 

[DHTiling]

One good thing about getting older..?






















Is that you can multi task...


You can Sneeze,pi$$ and rubbish ya self all at the same time..:lol:

 

[doug boardley]

Lou doesn't mention inabilty to multi task anymore, ever since I told her that I could think of someone else whilst we were making love

 

[SandyFloor]

My wife complained I didn't talk to her while making love so I phoned her from the Premier Inn

 

[nybor62]

My wife complained I didn't talk to her while making love so I phoned her from the Premier Inn

brill .lmfao

 

[doug boardley]

Why did God create female orgasms?

So they can still moan even when they're enjoying themselves.

 

[SandyFloor]

I asked the wife if she'd be slightly more responsive in bed and maybe moan a little. All I could hear was "that ceiling needs painted"

 

[andy8758]

Rabbit crouches down in the woods and has a poo. Along comes bear, "Hello rabbit, what you doing?" says bear. "I am just having a pooh bear." Says rabbit (smiling at his own pun). "Hey think I will have a pooh too then" says bear.

Rabbit and bear crouching down in the woods having a pooh. Bear looks at rabbit "Hey rabbit, do you find that the pooh sticks to your fur?" Rabbit frowns, "Well yes it does actually!"

Bear snatches rabbit and wipes him across his backside.....

 

[Time's Ran Out]

if you look , there is an indian on a 20 pound note, let me know when you have found it

Chief Cashier.

 

[ScottG13]

I was going to tell a joke about my nob, but its too long.

 

[DHTiling]

I was going to tell a joke about my nob, but its too long.

I thought 2 seconds was an introduction ..:lol:

 

[ScottG13]

A woman wants plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband says "why don't you just rub toilet paper between them". She replies "How does that make them bigger?" I dont know, but it worked for your ***

 

[nybor62]

big nob , my nick name at school was tripod

 

[ScottG13]

Im hung like a new born baby



















about 12 inches long. 7lb 3oz

 

[SandyFloor]

What did Kermit say when he got to the top of the hill?



A muppet.

 

[Ian]

What did Kermit say when he got to the top of the hill?



A muppet.

Taxi for Sandy!! :lol:

 

[DHTiling]

And a white coat

 

[ScottG13]

A man is in a bar sipping on his first pint when a monkey swings down and steals his beer. The man asks the barman who owns the monkey and he points to the piano player. The man walks up to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stlole my beer." he replies "No, but if you hum it I'll play it."

 

[doug boardley]

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese!

So its either my Mum, my Dad, my brother John or my my Sister Mae Ling

But I think it's John......

 

[Derry]

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese!

So its either my Mum, my Dad, my brother John or my my Sister Mae Ling

But I think it's John......

ANOTHER TAXI??!!! It's like a rank in here lol!

 

[nybor62]

What do women, and KFC have in common???

....You start with the breast, slowly work your way down the thigh, and are only ever left
with a greasy box to put your bone in.........

 

[Scott]

I just got back from the world erection competiton, i only made it through to the semi's