Two nuns

[macten]

I was waiting in line for a club last night and the guy at the door was checking IDs.

He was taking ages.

 

[macten]

I took my girlfriend Eileen to an orgy party last week,

You should have seen the mess she was in when they started playing Dexy's midnight runners...........

 

[macten]

I'm an avid campaigner for the preservation of endangered animals.






You should taste my panda jam.

 

[macten]

My daughter asked me to make her a ballerina's skirt.

I didn't have a clue where to start but then I put tu and tu together.

 

[macten]

I have a butler with a missing left arm.

Serves 'em right.

 

[macten]

Just got myself a new Czech girlfriend, but it's taken her 5 days to hoover the house.

Turns out she's a Slovak.

 

[macten]

A man is stranded in the desert and has not eaten or drunk anything for nearly 36 hours. He is about to die. Amazingly, as he stumbles through the sand, he comes to three market stalls. The man (half-thinking he must be hallucinating) approaches the first stall and demands, "I need water, sell me some water."
"Sorry, Sir," replies the stall owner, "I only sell custard."
The man, visibly taken aback, goes up to the second stall and again asks for water.
"I'm afraid I only sell sponge cake and cream," replies the second stall owner.
The man turns in disbelief to the final stall and begs, "please, I need water now or I'll die."
"Sorry Sir, I only sell hundreds and thousands," replies the final stall owner.
His fatigue momentarily forgotten the man demands, "You mean to tell me that the three of you all own market stalls in the middle of the desert and none of you sell water?"
"I know, Sir," says the first stall owner, "it's a trifle bazaar."

:lol: GROAN:lol:

 

[macten]

The National Origami Society has just folded.

 

[macten]

I was throwing rice at an Indian wedding and accidentally started a pilau fight.

 

[macten]

My local corner shop claims to be offering a free abacus with every purchase, but I wouldn't count on it.

 

[macten]

My wife accused me of having 'uncontrollable OCD.'

I put her in her place.

 

[macten]

Corduroy pillows.



They're making headlines.

 

[macten]

How do Geordies listen to music?

On a Why iPod

 

[macten]

I've invented an anti-gravity device that allows the tip of a snooker cue to hover at any height above the table.

The rest is history.

 

[macten]

Two wrongs don't make a right.

But three rights make a left.