Jokes!

[CLAYS TILES]

A woman goes to buy a parrot.
she walks in the pet shop and see's a sign saying
"parrots, £100, "200, and £15.
she asks why the last one is only £15,
"because he used to live in a brothel"
answered the shop owner.
she does'nt mind, and buys the parrot.
when she gets home the parrot says
"f*** me, a new brothel",
the women finds it funny.
when her two daughters come home, the parrot says
"f***uck me, two new prozzies",
the girls find this very funny.
when the dad gets home the parrot says
"f*** me john, haven't seen you in ages"
.................................................................
two half deaf old ladies are walking past a club,
"i wonder whats on in there tonight" asks one,
the other asks the doorman,
"whats on in there tonight ?"
the doorman replies "country and western"
the old woman says to her friend

"he says its some c**t from preston "
.................................................................
paddy and murphy are strolling down the street when paddy exclaimed "look,...a dead pigeon"

murphy looked up and said " where ?"

 

[brian c]

first one was a belter.

 

[Fekin]

:lol:

.........

 

[uug197h]

a husband emerged from the bathroom naked & was climing in to bed when his wife complained as usual " i have a headache" perfect he says i was just in the bathroom powdering my knob with asprin you can take it orally or as a suppository its up to you

 

[brian c]

The best engine in the world is the FANNY.It takes any size of piston,is self lubricating,starts with 1 finger and does its own oil change every 4 weeks..............its just a pity that the management system is so forking temperamental!

 

[Fekin]

Q: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A: A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Boom boom :stupid:

 

[Tilestiles]

A daughter goes to her mother and tells her she wants to divorce her husband. The mother asks why. Daughter replies that her husband continually demands anal sex and that when they first got married, her bum hole was the size of a 5 pence piece and now its the size of a 50 pence piece. Her mother says "hang on a minute. Your husband earns 100,000 per year, you live in a 350,000 detachcehed house and you have a brand new bmw convertible on the drive. And you are telling me that you want to give all that up for the sake of 45p!!

 

[DHTiling]

Moved this thread to tilers forums arms..as some jokes are near the knuckle for public viewing.... ..keep them coming.......

 

[GazTech]

Moved this thread to tilers forums arms..as some jokes are near the knuckle for public viewing.... ..keep them coming.......

pmsl...........

 

[CLAYS TILES]

gaz wot does pmsl mean please i know its short 4 something but i too thick to work it out!

 

[Yorkie]

Two ariels sitting on a roof, One says to the other
"didn't you get married last week"
"Yeah " came the reply "the wedding was **** but the reception was brilliant!"

I know sad aint it lol

 

[brian c]

gaz wot does pmsl mean please i know its short 4 something but i too thick to work it out!

pissing my self
----
some good jokes on there.

 

[stumac]

man sitting on plane when stewardess asks him 'can i get you a drink sir?'man replies coffee pls milk no sugar. at which point a parrot sitting two seats away pipes up, you ya pregnant dog get me a f**kin whisky!!! the stewardess return with the whisky but no coffee for the man,this happens three more times with the parrot being more and more cheeky and rude! F**k this says the man,if it works for a parrot maybe i shld try it, the stewardess walks by and the man shouts 'you ya f**kin pregnant dog wheres my f***in coffee and f***in hurry up you stupid cow!!!the stewardess returns with a male steward who grabs both the man and the parrot by the throat and throws both of them out of the plane,as the hurtle towards the ground the parrot says to the man 'for a c**t that cant fly your a right cheeky *******!!!'

 

[CLAYS TILES]

check this video out,,, well funny!
broken link removed

 

[stumac]

check this video out,,, well funny!
http://users.skynet.be/pdauwe/ursula_martinez.wmv

love it wonder where she keeps her wand